Strange New Worlds
by beckyofdownton
Summary: Set right after the fight with Khan in San Fransisco, Spock struggles with the newfound realisation that his only real friend in the world is in a coma and his relationship with Uhura is coming to pieces. Kirk awakens to find that things have changed not only in his life but with Spock, too. Kirk/Spock fic.
1. Chapter 1

With stacks of heavy paperwork on his lap and a pen posed in his hand, Spock found that he couldn't concentrate here anymore. The feel of the room was too sterile which, of course, was logical seeing as he was in a hospital. What was illogical was the fact that he kept returning here day after day even though he knew his friend would pull through and that his paperwork was getting so outrageous that even he wouldn't be able to finish it by his deadlines.

The constant pinging and beeping of the various life support machines reminded him of the bridge of the Enterprise which he found oddly relaxing especially in this situation. After what he had just been through it had taken him a while to... recalibrate his emotions and still, things were off. He found that things weren't as simple as logical and illogical anymore.

"Spock." came a voice from the door.

"Yes?" Spock answered, turning to see McCoy in the door.

"Spock, you've been here for days." McCoy sighed, rubbing his chin as he came in and pulled out a chart from the end of the bed. "You know Jim's going to be fine."

"Yes." Spock replied, a muscle in his jaw tensing. "I am merely providing him with company."

"Company he doesn't need. He's a figurative vegetable right now, Spock." McCoy said, his voice softening.

"I am aware, Doctor." Spock said, scooping his paperwork up with one arm and smoothing his uniform down with his other. "I have a significant amount of work to do and not much time to do it in."

A silence fell between them as Spock glanced down at Jim one more time before leaving.

"Uhura's been asking around for you." McCoy said, clearing his throat.

Spock closed his eyes, "I am also aware of that, Doctor. Thank you."

Spock turned to leave and made it to the doorway before McCoy called after him.

"Spock! You'd better start eating again soon or else I'm not going to pass you for the mission." McCoy warned him.

Spock nodded stiffly, raised a hand in goodbye and walked out of the room to the sound of McCoy mumbling to himself as he took readings from the machines.

The last thing Spock had wanted to do this whole time was face Nyota after all this. Things had changed. He had changed. He wasn't sure if Nyota had. Things had been tense between them for months, even before the Khan incident, and he knew he was to blame. He had barely seen her since things were resolved and that was only late at night when he came home from Star Fleet or in the morning as they both prepared for the work day. Nyota had attempted to comfort him, but what was the sense in trying to comfort a Vulcan?

Spock was, to his core, emotionally unavailable and Nyota had been fiercely passionate about every single thing she had ever cared about - including him. Their fights had been vicious and their love had been powerful and Spock found himself inherently at a loss with her most of the time. Nyota was interested in love above all things when Spock didn't see the world like that. He came from a culture where love and mating was a taboo saved for a special occasion once every seven years. Nyota's culture favoured free love and free sex. Spock had never experienced mating as sex until he met Nyota. He had to admit, the experience was eye-opening, but draining.

The weeks passed by in largely the same manner. Spock spent his days visiting with Jim and found himself marvelling at how quickly he had managed to find his feet again after being dead for hours and then revived with the blood of his enemy. Spock sighed to himself realizing Jim would never shut up about his miraculous survival once he was really allowed back into the public.

Spock had always been something of a spectacle in Star Fleet being the first and only Vulcan to serve, but now he was also famous for the stunt he had pulled in San Fransisco with Khan. Their fight was now legendary and, as such, Spock found he had a lot more eyes following him down the hall. For the first week after the incident, Spock had barely come out of Kirk's hospital room let alone allow himself to be the subject of the constant whisperings and side-eye glances of Star Fleet's best and brightest.

"Spock!" someone was running down the hallway towards him, full tilt.

"Ensign Cook?" Spock asked, turning around,eyebrow raised, as he watched a young Andorian ensign barreling towards him.

"Sir!" Ensign Cook said, standing to attention as he approached Spock, breathing heavily, "I was sent by Dr. McCoy, sir."

"Yes..." Spock replied, eyebrow still raised.

"Captain Kirk has just come to, Sir. He's been asking for you." Ensign Cook replied.

Spock felt his breath catch momentarily in his throat. Barely consciously acknowledging this momentary lapse, Spock nodded and thanked the ensign. Immediately, he spun on his feet and made his way to the hospital as quickly as he could.

"Spock!" Jim exclaimed weakly as Spock opened the door. Dr. McCoy glanced up from his clipboard as Spock entered.

"Spock, he's barely even in his right mind." McCoy said, scribbling something down.

"Am too." Jim retorted, summoning all his courage into opening his eyes. "So now that I'm full of the blood of our enemy guess that makes him my blood enemy."

Spock raised an eyebrow and McCoy groaned, walking towards Jim with an armed hypospray.

"I think you misunderstand the precise meaning of the term, Jim." Spock replied, moving over to Kirk's bed, arms crossed behind his back.

"Oh, Spock, loosen up." Jim groaned, peering up at Spock through bleery eyes. "I just came back from the dead."

"Yes, and that's precisely where I'm sending you back to if you don't cooperate, you cornfed fool." McCoy grumbled, jabbing Jim in the neck with his hypospray.

Jim muttered something incomprehensible before dozing off back into a state somewhere between sleep and consciousness.

"Well, I'm pretty sure he just called you over here to make wisecracks at you, Spock." McCoy sighed, dropping the hypospray on a nearby counter.

"I suspect as much." Spock said, looking down at the deeply sedated Jim lying before him in his bed.

"Well, you were the first one he wanted to make those wisecracks to if that means anything to your green-blooded heart." McCoy said, placing the clipboard back at the end of Kirk's bed.

"It does." Spock replied, looking down at his feet.

"It won't be long now, Spock. I recommend you go harass the Admiral again about getting the Enterprise out and about." McCoy said. "It'll do a lot more good than staring forlornly at the ex-Captain of the ex-Enterprise."

Spock said nothing. In that instant he realised that the worst of this year was over and that soon the Enterprise would be recomissioned and traversing the galaxy again. Despite what everyone was telling him, especially Scotty, he believed that they could have the Enterprise refurbished and in the skies again within the next two years. He couldn't deny that he had certainly gotten used to that first officer's chair.


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: I'd like to thank everyone for taking a glance at my first chapter. I'm really enjoying writing this particular fic and already have several chapters ready. I'm staggering their posting, though. Thank you so much for your support!_

That Jim would recover was expected, but what managed to surprise Spock was the remarkable speed with which Jim sped through rehabilitation and physiotherapy. This man had been dead for hours and managed to get back on his feet days after waking up and, from what Spock had overheard from the other female officers, was back to his old ways in two weeks. Spock had gone from watching Jim die to watching him gallivant around San Francisco again as if nothing had ever happened. Spock had apparently underestimated the power of lack of sexual stimulation in humans.

In the three weeks since Jim had first awoken, Spock had devoted himself entirely to the project of the rehabilitation of the Enterprise. Originally the entire ship was going to be scrapped, stripped for parts and rebuilt but that idea didn't sit well with Spock. Luckily, Mr. Scott had shared the same sentiment and the two had worked very closely with the new Admiral to resurrect the old ship. Spock played to Star Fleet's classic American sentimentality, reminding the council members that this ship had taken them where no one had gone before and that rebuilding after catastrophe would be enormously symbolic. And, just as Spock suspected, the Admiral approved the rebuilding of the Enterprise assuming Mr. Scott headed the operation himself. Scotty did, after all, invent the subspace transporter; rebuilding a ship would be elementary.

As Spock walked into his office for the morning, head reeling from the argument he had had with Nyota this morning, he found it already occupied.

"Morning." Jim smiled, sitting in Spock's chair.

"Jim, it appears we have our offices confused." Spock replied, leaning out to check the number on the door.

"Spock." Jim smiled, leaning back and propping his boots up on the desk.

Spock had just had that leather detailing put on that desk yesterday.

"Jim, I'm afraid that you're damaging my desk." Spock said, a muscle tensing slightly in his jaw.

Jim smiled and sighed, "Of course. I'm sorry. Wouldn't want to damage your desk."

Spock noted the sarcasm but chose to ignore it. He watched as Jim straightened up and put his feet back on the ground. A little stiff, perhaps but just as quick as he had always been.

"Can I help you, Captain?" Spock asked, feeling slightly out of place in his own office as he took the seat across from Jim.

"As a matter of fact, you can." Jim said, playing with a small pewter Vulcan chess piece on the desk. "Do you know Nurse Carroway?"

"Yes, I do. She served with Carol Marcus and is on the Reliant, at the moment." Spock replied, watching carefully as Jim played with the small piece.

"Transfer her to the Enterprise." Jim said, placing the piece back down on the desk on the opposite side that he had picked it up.

"Captain, I would like to remind you that the Enterprise hasn't even finished being rebuilt yet. We won't be flying for another year." Spock said, "And, as a matter of fact, you could transfer her yourself as the Captain."

"I know both of those things. The key word here is stealth, Spock." Jim replied. "I don't want to give the appearance of-"

"Favouritism?" Spock finished his sentence for him with a raised eyebrow.

"We all know how well favouritism went for you, Spock." Jim laughed.

When Spock said nothing, Jim sighed. "Touched a nerve did I?"

"Hardly, Captain." Spock replied, "I have no opinion on the matter."

"It'll do a sick man good." Jim smiled leaving the subject alone, "Have her assigned to the Enterprise, Spock."

"Aye, sir." Spock replied.

"Can I take you for lunch, Spock?" Jim asked, getting up from behind the desk and leaning against its edge in front of Spock.

Before opening his mouth to respond, Spock analyzed the situation he was in. He had been planning to do a couple hours of work here before going to find Nyota and take her to lunch. It would be the proper thing to do after their argument this morning. He still didn't fully understand what the fight had been about, but he had learned well enough that, with Nyota, an unwarranted apology was better than coming home to finding an empty bed.

"Jim, I was planning on taking Lieutenant Uhura to lunch. Thank you, but we will have to reschedule." Spock replied.

At this, Jim immediately crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow, "That's probably smart. I heard what you did, Spock, and you're in major trouble this time."

Spock raised an eyebrow, "I was unaware that our argument this morning had anything to do with something that I did."

"Oh, Spock. Come on. I heard all about it from the girls in Science." Jim shrugged.

"Captain, once again, I was unawa-"

"Spock, how could you not be aware that refusing to meet her family because you needed to finish some paperwork would make her upset?" Jim asked, his voice softening.

"Jim, pardon me if I am wrong, but my duties here are far more important than meeting her family." Spock replied tersely.

"Exactly." Jim shrugged.

This conversation was clearly going downhill for Spock very quickly and, becoming more confused by the minute, Spock stood up to leave. Of course his duties were more important at a time like this. Nyota knew how important the rehabilitation of the Enterprise was to him and to visit her parents they would have to go all the way to Los Angeles by car. It would take at least five hours to get there and back and ithe trip would take Spock out of the office for nearly three days.

"Jim, her request of me was unreasonable." Spock replied.

"It wasn't. When is the next time you'll be on Earth, Spock? You've been together for nearly two years and you haven't met her family. She met your father-"

Spock stood up, gathered his things and left the office in one fluid motion. He didn't look back despite Kirk hollering after him until he had made it across the building to the living quarters where Star Fleet was housing everyone between missions. Fighting to maintain composure, he unlocked the door of his apartment, made it inside and collapsed on the bed in the bedroom. Spock, of course, didn't sleep but found it was just as relaxing and calming to meditate. Steepling his hands and closing his eyes, he drifted off into a place between consciousnesses.

"I'm home!"

Nyota's voice calling out snapped Spock out of his meditation. He glanced breifly at the time. 01:00 hours. He had been here for an impossinly long period of time. Perhaps the stress of the day really had worn him out. He wasn't sure why, but he continued to pretend to meditate as Nyota came into the room.

"Spock." Nyota said softly. Spock noted the hard tone in her voice, took a deep breath and looked up.

"Nyota." Spock replied, blinking repeatedly to shake off the after effects of his meditation.

Nyota crossed her arms and leaned against the doorframe, her head cocked to one side. Spock sensed that he should say something but he couldn't find the words.

"We're going to Los Angeles." Nyota said, her voice defiant and strong.

Spock raised an eyebrow at her and instantly regretted it. He should have recognised that she was a loaded gun just waiting to be set off and that was exactly what did it. He knew she hated it when she did that. It wasn't his fault, he wasn't trying to upset her, it was simply a reflex.

"Don't you dare give me that look!" Nyota yelled, throwing her arms down to her sides, hands balled up tightly in fists.

"I apologise, Nyota, it is merely a reflex." Spock replied, shrinking back slightly from the sudden emotional outburst.

At times like these, he wondered how his father had dealt with being married to a human for so long. He wondered if his mother had ever behaved like this. She was a gentle and, in all the time he had knew her, had never raised her voice to Spock or his father. He knew that she, of course, had her passionate moments but never like this. Spock figured that his mother had been much easier for a Vulcan to deal with on an emotional level than Nyota was. If Nyota wasn't screaming she was speaking passionately to him of everything that had happened during the day or something that had bothered her. It was something he loved about her but found, simultaneously, very tiring. He felt slightly uncomfortable comparing Nyota to his mother especially Nyota was a thrilling woman and brought great levels of excitement to his life but he wasn't sure that it was excitement that he wanted.

He found himself drifting off in thought as Nyota yelled at him. He found himself noticing the straightness of her teeth, the glossiness of her hair and the way her nails dug into her side as she clutched her hip. Spock had developed this coping mechanism not long after the demise of his planet and he found that it helped to push things down that he didn't need to come up.

"Are you even listening to me?" Nyota asked, lowering her voice.

It wasn't the words or the drop in tone that made Spock snap to, it was her body language. Shoulders slumped, hands loose at her sides. This was a woman who had given up.

"Yes, Nyota. I am. I've told you many times that as a Vulcan I do not understand the complexities of human customs." Spock replied calmly. He was powerless here and he knew it.

"Spock, you're human." Nyota said simply, running a hand through her hair in frustration.

Spock got to his feet and turned to her, the muscles in his jaw clenched tightly.

"Nyota, I am a Vulcan. I may be part human but I have chosen to identifty as Vulcan." Spock replied steadily.

"Why do you have to deny that part of you, Spock? You're human just like me. I don't care if it's half or three quarters or one sixteenth, you're human!" Nyota yelled.

Something in Spock snapped and it was everything he could do, for the second time that day, to not tear the room apart with his bare hands.

"Nyota, you need to leave." Spock said, his voice strained as he looked away from her. He couldn't look at her. She didn't understand who he was and if she was going to violate who he was to his very core then he couldn't be with her. "If you can't see, and respect, who I am then you are nothing to me."

Nyota raised a hand to her mouth suddenly as if she had been slapped. Spock watched as tears pooled in her eyes but it only made it harder for him to keep in control.

"If you won't leave then I will." Spock growled, pushing past her a little more roughly than he had intended. He could feel his hands shaking as he grabbed his breifcase from near the door. He felt the cool metal in his hand as he turned the doorknob and heard the door slam behind him. He felt the rough leather of the breifcase rub against his palm as he moved down the hallway. He had no idea where he was going and he couldn't tell you how he was going to get there.

Who did he have left?

As he stood waiting for the turbolift he could barely think straight. Struggling to keep himself in check he stepped into the lift and turned his eyes to the cieling. Counting cieling tiles, he barely noticed when somebody else stepped in. Jaw clenched, teeth burning under the weight, Spock felt like exploding.

"Spock? What are you doing up so late?"

Spock turned suddenly at the voice. He found Jim standing next to him wearing a white t-shirt, hair tousled wildly with the shirt of his uniform hanging over one shoulder.

With his heart pounding, he had no time to catch himself before blurting out, "I left Uhura."

"Oh, Spock." Kirk sighed, running a hand down his face. Spock noted an uncharacteristically floral scent about him, the kind that human females often wore. It wasn't hard to guess why Jim was in the turbolift so late.

"I would be lying if I said I had not suspected that our parting of ways was imminent." Spock replied, noticing that Jim's sudden arrival had given him shock enough to be able to get ahold of himself.

"I think anyone could tell that." Jim replied. He was obviously unsure of what to do, playing awkwardly with the hem of his uniform. "Where are you going?"

"I am unsure, Captain." Spock replied, glancing up as the turbolift counted down the floor.

"Spock, call me Jim, damnit." Jim asked, turning towards Spock with a chuckle. "Listen, can I take you for a drink?I know Scotty's shift just ended so he'll be at the bar soon."

"I do not drink, Jim." Spock replied curtly.

"It's a good time to start." Jim said, smiling.

Spock watched the numbers for a moment as he evaluated his options. If he went with Jim he would certainly have a place to sleep tonight. If he didn't, he would quite possibly sleep in his office. Both potential situations were undignified to say the least but he needed to choose the lesser of two evils.

"Yes, I'll come with you." Spock replied.

"Yes!" Jim grinned. "We'll get you all fixed up, Spock. We've all been in the same place you have and Jack Daniel's has healed more than a few broken hearts in his day."

"I do not believe you mentioned this Jack Daniels." Spock replied.

"You will." Jim laughed, clapping his hand onto Spock's shoulder.


	3. Chapter 3

"Ach, no, it's lick the salt and then the lemon."

"No, it's lick the salt and then lime, you cretin."

"It's lemon!"

"Lime!"

Spock stared on as two fully-grown men argued over citrus fruits and how one was more appropriate than the other when taking shots of a particularly potent fermented Earth liquor derived from the Mexican agave plant. He found the whole thing highly illogical and decided that it was probably best that he not get involved. If he did, he knew he would be forced to take another "shot" as they called it, and he was certain that the two men had not yet noticed that he had drank almost double the amount they had drank and he was perfectly fine. Vulcan metabolisms were nothing to be scoffed at in a drinking contest.

"Look, Spock, which do ye prefer - lemon or lime?" Scotty asked, face beet red from both the liquor and the arguing.

"To be honest, Mr. Scott, I do not know the subtleties of the citrus family of Earth fruits well enough to be able to detect a difference in their flavours at all." Spock replied, matter-of-factually.

"Well, then ye should be drinkin' it with lemon." Scotty replied, snatching the now nearly-empty shot glass out of Jim's hand and setting it down amongst Spock's already enormous tower of empty glasses.

"As you wish, sir." Spock looked up and caught Jim's eye. Jim looked about ready to explode as he watched Scotty override his lime appeals. Spock, of course, thought it absolutely ridiculous that anyone could get so emotional over a slice of fruit, but found it oddly suiting at the same time. He watched Jim for a moment longer before taking the shot of tequila in one swift motion.

"What! Not even a wee grimace?!" Scotty exclaimed, nearly knocking the table over as he stood up in shock, "I cannae just sit here and be outdrank by a Vulcan! Me Scottish ancestors are cryin' in their poor wee graves."

Spock raised an eyebrow.

"I assure you that what is drunk on Vulcan, primarily Vulcan brandy, is brewed to an extremely refined degree and, with our metabolisms as high as they are-"

"Shhhhhhhhhhh..." Jim whispered drunkenly, leaning across the table and pressing a finger to Spock's lips. "No more Vulcan tonight. Only drunk. Shhhhh..."

Scotty raised his eyebrows, shot back another bit of whiskey and stumbled off, taking his cue to leave.

In a moment of shock from what Jim had just done and said, Spock found himself at a complete loss for words. Normally, he would have found himself irritated with the Captain's actions but tonight he found himself oddly... amused. It was all he could do to stop himself from laughing out loud. He could feel warmth spreading to all his extremities and he wasn't sure if it was the drink or Jim's behaviour that had done it to him.

"Jim..." Spock said, his voice trailing off.

"Did you just laugh, Spock?" Jim asked, sitting back and staring intently at his friend across the table.

"Jim, Vulcans do not laugh." Spock replied, a little too stiffly.

"I know you and I'm pretty sure I almost made you laugh." Jim sighed, resting his head on his hand and gazing across the table at Spock.

Jim's gaze was starting to make Spock feel uncomfortable. His lack of understanding of human humour made it hard for him to tell if Jim was making fun of him or if Jim was truly enjoying the fact that he had nearly brought one of Spock's own well-guarded emotions to the surface however momentarily. He looked away quickly.

"Spock?" Jim asked, realizing that he had somehow managed to upset Spock.

"Jim?" Spock returned, looking back up. His voice caught in his throat when he noticed how concerned Jim looked. Perhaps he had read too much into their exchange.

"A Vulcan only laughs when he is intoxicated." Spock replied, an eyebrow raised. He figured this was an appropriate response and, just as he was suspected, Jim clapped his hands together, laughing. He rested his hands back down on the table and started playing with one of Spock's many empty glasses. For a moment, the two shared a quiet pause.

"Spock, you're a hilarious drinking buddy." Jim smiled.

Hours passed and between the two of them they had finished an entire bottle of whiskey and was well on their way to another one when they heard the last call from the bar.

"You know what, Jim?" Spock whispered, leaning forward on the table, the full shot glass in his hand threatening to spill its contents across the table at any moment, "I quite like this drink of yours."

"I thought you would." Jim smiled, squinting to see Spock, "Now, Spock, is this a Vulcan mind trick or are there two of you?"

"Jim, that would be highly illogical." Spock replied, a smile threatening to show itself. "There are three of me."

"Spock, did you just make a joke? What planet am I on..." Jim laughed out loud, slapping his knee.

"I believe I did. But, Jim, in all fairness, there are technically two of me." Spock sighed, thinking of Ambassador Spock.

"You know what, of all our adventures that is the weirdest. There are actually two of you." Jim sighed, bringing the bottle of Jack up to his lips and taking a large mouthful. "Do you just call yourself up and talk to yourself all the time?"

"Negative, Jim." Spock replied. "He and I are very different. He has travelled back in time to 1920's Chicago. He has met Nazis. He has seen so many things and I have seen so little."

"Oh, stuff it, Spock. You fought a man nearly to death with your bare hands." Jim pointed out.

"I definitely did that." Spock nodded, downing the shot in his hand. "Well, Jim, it's time for us to be going. It appears that the bartender is staring at me."

Spock stood up, balancing himself precariously on the back of his chair.

"Okay, okay, one more..." Jim replied, finishing off the bottle and getting to his feet.

Shaky on his legs himself, Spock was downright shocked to watch as Jim marched off down the bar with barely a sway in his step. They walked out of the bar and down the hallway, Jim singing a merry old Earth tune about a woman named Clementine. Stumbling, he caught Spock's arm and held it as he walked along.

Spock was not sure whether he enjoyed the feeling or not, but allowed Jim to keep his hand there. It helped him walk, as well.

They found there way back to Jim's apartment and it took a couple tries for him to get into the apartment. The rooms were dark and it smelled musky in here. It was a strong, familiar scent but in his altered state of mind, Spock found he was having a hard time trying to figure out what it was. It was earthy, a heady scent like cedar, but more heavily perfumed. He found himself feeling comforted by the scent, and he needed to know what it was. He breathed the scent in deeply and suddenly, without warning, Jim grabbed him by the hand as he tripped in the hallway.

Caught completely off gaurd in a moment of vulnerability, Spock recieved a jolt of emotion from the skin to skin contact. He felt a mixture of joy and apprehension and anxiety, whatever Jim was feeling at that exact moment. Spock gasped, pulled his hand away and turned to Jim.

_What are you so nervous about?_ Spock wondered, rubbing his hand and looking down at Jim, who was smiling.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you." Jim said. Spock suspected that Jim was completely oblivious to what had happened, but he couldn't be sure. His hand tingled and he looked away as Jim moved into the living room. He didn't turn any lights on as he moved across the cluttered room. Spock stood in the doorway and watched as Jim went to the window, pulling his shirt off over his head as he moved. Opening the window, Jim leaned against the frame and inhaled the crisp night air.

It was incredible how much a man could hide. Jim's body was covered in hairline scars from the radiation and he had lost a substantial amount of muscle mass. Spock couldn't help but notice the way the light played off the scars across his back and how beautiful he thought they looked - like dry river beds on a long dead planet.

_It's his aftershave_, Spock realised suddenly.

As soon as he had identifed the smell it was like somebody had finally flipped the switch. It had finally dawned on him what had been wrong with him these past few months. Torn between panic and absolute relief, Spock sat down on the nearest chair, wide-eyed and at a complete loss for words. He was in horrific trouble now. He was in love with his commanding officer.

"Spock... Did you hear me?" Jim asked, pulling his head back in from outside and looking at him. "What are you thinking about?"

Spock swallowed hard. He knew exactly what he was thinking about and he suddenly felt enormously embarassed. He looked away and, to his horror, felt himself flushing a deep green.

"Spock?" Jim moved away from the window, walking over to his friend.

"It's nothing, Jim, it's just..." Spock trailed off as Jim moved closer to him and finally stopped, standing in front of him, backlit. "I'm drunk."

"So am I." Jim replied, his voice low.

A silence fell between them for a moment and all that could be heard was the sound of the two of them breathing.

"Spock... There's something I've wanted to say and I don't really know how to say it." Jim began, his words slurring together almost indecipherably.

"Jim." Spock said, clearing his throat.

"No, Spock, you... you have to listen to this!" Jim exclaimed.

Spock stood up suddenly. This was getting dangerous. What had Jim read from that moment of contact telepathy that he didn't know about?

"Jim, I believe it is time for bed." Spock yawned, getting up quickly and moving across the room to where Jim's bedroom was. "Let me put you to bed."

"I'm not a child, Spock." Jim replied tensely. It was obvious that he had something to say and he wouldn't stop until he had said it.

"Jim, please." Spock said, nearly begging. He wasn't ready for the rejection he knew Jim was about to give him. He was not emotionally prepared.

"Spock, I am..." Jim started loudly, but he faltered, his brow furrowing. "I have got to say that..."

This time, Jim doubled over.

"Oh, no no no." Spock mumbled, moving over and grabbing Jim by the arms as quickly as he could. He felt a momentary flash of various emotion flash through his fingers but nothing he wasn't prepared for. In a feat of Vulcan strength, Spock half-dragged, half-carried Jim into the bathroom right before he vomited into the bathtub.

"Ahhh, sorry." Jim slurred, wiping his mouth shakily with his hand and then slumping forward against Spock's chest.

Completely overwhelmed by everything that had just happened, he moved as if in a dream. He carryied Jim easily into the bedroom, took off his pants for him, slowly and carefully folded them and placed them on the desk beside the bed. He then moved back into the bathroom, braced himself for the smell and cleaned up the mess his friend had made in the bath tub and caught a look at himself in the bathroom mirror.

He looked an absolute mess and for one of the few times in his life he found that he might actually be able to sleep. The alcohol had gone straight through him and he was finding it harder and harder to remain upright without crashing into things. He had already walked into the wall on the way back into Jim's bedroom, knocked a painting off the wall and whispered, "Sorry" to it before closing the door behind him.

Spock got undressed rather sloppily, tripping all over himself and collapsing into the bed next to Jim.

"This is hardly within Star Fleet regulations." Spock said drunkenly to himself as he crawled in nothing but his underwear up next to Jim.

"_You're_ hardly within Star Fleet regulations." Jim mumbled, laughing at his own joke sleepily.

Spock wormed his way under the covers and found the bed was already just as warm as he liked it thanks to the human oven that was Jim.

"Jim, I would like to request that you sleep on your side and direct all future vomit into the bowl I have placed on the floor." Spock whispered, moving in behind Jim.

"I'm going to direct all future vomit onto you." Jim replied.

Spock couldn't help but feel, as Jim turned around and entwined their legs and placed his head on Spock's shoulder, that he certainly was glad that he had been introduced to Jack Daniels after all.


	4. Chapter 4

_Author's Note: I couldn't believe how many of you liked the idea of Spock drinking so much! I did some research and apparently one of the things that gets Vulcans drunk is common saccharides... It's undecided whether drinking alcohol can actually render a Vulcan drunk but they do brew Vulcan Brandy, so hard to say._

_A NOTE TO THOSE WHO MAY BE CONFUSED: I had originally posted this chapter once but after reading through it online I realized that Spock's character didn't really make sense the way I'd written him. I guess I wrote and posted it too quickly. That's why there are reviews for the chapter that don't fit with the plot anymore. Thanks, guys!_

_Hope you're enjoying the slow burn._

* * *

Spock woke up to sunlight pouring into the bedroom, illuminating everything around him in a stark, glaring way. Shielding his eyes from the sun, he felt like he had been hit in the head repeatedly with a hammer. Propping himself up on his elbows, he looked around. Had he actually slept through the whole night?

Spock was entirely disoriented as he tried to find his bearings. Clearly he had fallen asleep after leaving the bar the night before, but had he gone home? His head was foggy and he found that connecting the dots was especially harder this morning than most. It was enormously frustrating.

Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, Spock found that he wasn't wearing anything except the boxers he had slept in the night before. Once again, uncharacteristic. The most comfortable and efficient means of maintaining acceptable body temperature during sleep was to not wear anything. He caught a glimpse of the clock on the bedside table and was shocked to realize that it was already 0900 hours. When he stood up to dress himself, however, he found his and another man's clothes on the floor.

This wasn't his apartment. He had gone home with Jim the night before and must have slept here. If so, then where had Jim gone to?

Slightly shaken by the fact that he had not realized that these were Jim's quarters, he began picking clothes up off the floor. Before he knew it, he was completing a full-scale clean up on Jim's bedroom. He found it difficult to think in a cluttered atmosphere and this was by far the most cluttered atmosphere he had been in in quite a long while. He had to evaluate his options and he was clearly in an uncomfortable situation. It certainly was not Star Fleet protocol for a Captain and his first officer to share a bed after a night of drinking and he did not know how Jim would react to him this morning.

Jim, Spock conceded, had been extraordinarily friendly with him since he had recovered. Spock could now recall choice pieces of their conversation from the night before and in his analysis, he found that Jim had shown signs of possibly being interested in pursuing a more friendly relationship outside of Star Fleet. In another flash of memory Spock remembered tracing the scars on Jim's back and he set down the shirt he was folding. Staring out of the window over the desk, Spock knew that he had to maintain the distance between them should their relationship remain professional. He had no doubts that Jim was interested solely in those of the female persuasion and any advances on his part would create a tension that would be impossible to work around.

By the time he heard the bathroom door open, he had already sorted through what he would say to Jim and how exactly he would put it.

"Spock, what are you doing?"

Spock turned to see Jim coming out of the bathroom, freshly shaved, a white towel hanging over his shoulder. Spock noted that Jim was wearing the bottoms to the standard issue Star Fleet pyjamas and he absently wondered if he had been the only one in the bed last night in his underwear. He also noted that Jim had an impressive spread of chest hair for such a fair-haired human.

"Jim." Spock said, clearing his throat. "I was cleaning."

Jim laughed and moved into the bedroom. Eyeing the now large stack of folded clothing on the desk, Jim raised an eyebrow.

"Am I that much of a slob?" Jim asked, pulling out a tight black t-shirt from the middle of the pile Spock had just folded. Clothes fell and he and Spock bent to grab them at the same time. Their hands brushed briefly and Spock was reminded of the moment the night before when Jim had grabbed his hand.

"Allow me." Jim smiled, starting to fold the clothes.

Spock nodded, watching Jim rebuild the tower of clothing he had just constructed. A few minutes of silence passed between them as they cleaned Jim's room. Thankful for these few extra minutes to gather his words, Spock straightened up and turned to Jim, his hands behind his back.

"Sir, I apologize for any misconduct that may have occurred last night." Spock began. "I take full responsibility for my actions if anything I did or said was inappropriate."

"Spock, stop." Jim laughed, patting the top of the tower of clothing "Why do you have to call me "sir" and "captain" all the time? It's so awkward."

"Sir- Jim, I apologize. I am not myself this morning." Spock replied slowly.

"I think you're perfectly yourself, Spock. You shared my bed last night and in an effort to not seem out of place you started tidying my room for me." Jim stated frankly, pulling the black shirt over his head.

"Well, yes, Captain." Spock replied. He had expected a lot more round-a-boutness from this conversation.

"I didn't find anything about you inappropriate, Spock." Jim said, leaning against the desk in front of Spock.

"This is certainly a relief." Spock replied, looking down at Jim in front of him.

"Well, actually, that's a lie. You know I woke up with you wrapped so tightly around me I couldn't get out of bed? You're quite the cuddler." Jim smirked, stepping closer to Spock.

Spock was finding Jim harder and harder to read. He wasn't entirely sure whether Jim was offended that he had been so intimate with him in the night or if this was a joke and flattery. Spock felt his heart start to beat a little faster and a little harder as Jim tilted his head to one side, a small smile playing on his lips. Jim's eyes were the most piercing blue Spock had ever seen and he felt like Jim was looking right through him.

"I apologize, Jim. I must be used to sleeping next to Nyota." Spock said.

"Don't. It was a bit of a struggle getting out but I was warm during the night, that's for sure." Jim said, propping himself up so he was at a higher angle. "Admit that I was more comfy than her."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I am unsure that the two of you can be compared as I was asleep at the time. I did not notice that I was... cuddling you."

"Well, I certainly was." Jim said with a smirk, his eyebrow raised.

Spock did not miss the hint and the sheer suggestiveness of what Jim said awoke something in Spock he hadn't felt for a long time. Heat started to rise in his stomach and spread outwards through his limbs. His hands and feet tingled. Within instants his headache vanished, his vision cleared and he found his hearing enormously enhanced - he could hear Jim's heartbeat.

Jim stood up from the desk and looked up into Spock's face. Almost in the back of his mind, Spock wondered if Jim was feeling what he was feeling now. Spock looked down into Jim's face and followed the line of Jim's cheekbones down to his jaw and neck.

"You missed a spot right along your throat." Spock said, as Jim moved towards him.

"Where?" Jim asked, his voice low and husky as he moved forwards.

Spock was still in control, but just barely. He was so acutely aware of his surroundings it was almost painful.

"Along the left side of your neck." Spock replied, his voice dark.

"Come here and show me." Jim replied, his voice almost a growl.

Instinctively, Spock bridged that gap between them and placed two of his fingers on Jim's jawline and traced the small line of stubble down his throat.

"Spock, your skin is on fire." Jim said, biting his lip in a look of such irresistible pleasure that Spock let out a small noise halfway between a growl and a moan.

"Captain..." Spock said slowly, unable to hold on much longer.

"There are only two places you can call me that, Spock. On the bridge or in my bed." Jim snatched Spock's fingers away and met Spock's lips with such an eagerness Spock

The logical side of Spock's mind told him to run but the side of him that was nearly fully into the throes of pon farr needed release more than logic. In spite of the war inside his mind, he could feel his blood boil like he had only experienced a couple of times in his life, his desire was so great. Forgetting his own strength, he gripped Jim hard and pulled him closer so that their chests were pressed together.

"Yeah, Spock, I like it rough." Jim growled, pulling away quickly to bite Spock's lower lip hard.

In an instant, Spock was taken over by emotions that were well beyond his capacity to control. Completely lost to logic, sense and reason, he pushed Jim down on the bed behind them, climbed on top and straddled him.

"Can I call you Captain now?" Spock said, pinning Jim down underneath him, breathing hard.

"Spock..." Jim groaned, "This side of you is new."

"Answer me, Jim." Spock growled, leaning forward, his mouth next to Jim's ear.

"Yes." Jim whispered.

"Good." Spock replied and kissed him.

"Spock..." Jim said, trying to pull away from Spock's kisses. Spock clearly didn't hear him as he had already started to take Jim's shirt off for him.

"Spock!" Jim exclaimed. Spock pulled away and looked down.

"Spock, you're crushing me and you're about 5000 degrees right now!" Jim said, squirming under Spock's hips.

Spock bit his lip and gained control for a few seconds, freeing Jim from underneath him.

"Why are you so warm?" Jim asked in between kisses, clambering onto Spock's lap, straddling him from the front. He pressed Spock up against the headboard and kissed his way down Spock's jawline and throat.

"A natural effect of Vulcan sexual arousal." Spock replied matter-of-factually, pulling Jim's shirt off over his head and drawing his hands down along Jim's back roughly.

"Are you going into heat?" Jim asked, distracted. "Isn't that kind of serious?"

"Jim, this is not the time to be asking such questions of me. I am beyond the state during which I am able to most effectively express myself." Spock replied, burying his face in Jim's neck and inhaling that heavenly, musky scent of after-shave.

"You just expressed yourself more eloquently than I usually do." Jim laughed, running his hands through Spock's thick black hair. Jim's head fell back as Spock found a tender spot at the base of his throat. For a second, Jim had almost forgotten what had been bothering him.

No, seriously, Spock." Jim said finally, climbing off Spock and pushing him away gently. "I don't think we should be doing this."

"I assure you that it is fine, Jim, in fact, perfectly normal." Spock said, running his hands vigorously over his face in an attempt to bring himself back to reality.

"Did this ever happen with Uhura?" Jim asked, moving further away from Spock and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Not like this." Spock admitted.

An awkward silence fell between them and what was intense arousal slowly subsided into something much darker. He felt a slight panic rise up inside him and realized that he should have kept his feelings to himself. He and Jim had just violated several Star Fleet regulations and nothing was more important to Spock than his job. Except Jim. Spock felt that he may lose Jim now. Spock felt ashamed of himself and edged off the bed and got to his feet.

"Listen, Spock. Before we go any further and things get a little too heavy for both of us, I wanted to tell you something. Last night you wouldn't let me say anything and I think you knew what I was going to say." Jim said solemnly, his eyes on his knees.

Spock stood near the foot of the bed unsure of what to do or say. Spock had assumed Jim would reject him for his obvious crush, but he couldn't be sure after how Jim had just behaved with him.

"Yes, Jim, I remember." Spock replied.

"Last night I was going to tell you how I really feel. Spock, I've been whoring around my whole damn adult life. I've hopped from woman to woman like wildfire." Jim looked up at Spock. "But after what happened in the warp core, I had a lot of time to think about my life. I knew I wasn't happy. Don't get me wrong, I'm where I'm supposed to be when it comes to my career, but in my personal life? I'm totally lost. Until I heard how you dealt with Khan and how you sat by my bed every day for hours. I realized then that that was what love looked like."

"Jim..." Spock began, but was cut off by Jim continuing.

"I never thought you felt the same way, Spock. When I came to and Bones told me that you'd been sitting there neglecting your work for weeks my own feelings dawned on me. And I hated myself. Spock, where I come from it's still not considered normal for two people of the same sex to fall in love. Where I'm from it's all about homecoming kings and queens. I might be from the Land of the Free but not every body there is willing to let you be free." Jim explained. "And then on top of it all, you were taken by the one of the most beautiful women on the entire ship. Well, probably all of Star Fleet. I never thought I stood a chance. But after last night, I'm confused. I've never been a man of many words but I needed to tell you that. I'm in love with you but I'm also scared of it. You see the problem?"

Spock nodded. He had no idea what to say. Jim was his best friend and commanding officer. Spock had only realized the night before how deeply he was in love with Jim but he could trace that love back now logically to Jim's death and even before then. He had had no inclination whatsoever that Jim might have felt the same way.

"Jim." Spock sat down on the bed next to Jim. "I am fully aware that my actions may have caught you off guard but I assure you that if you are not comfortable in any way I would never push you."

"Spock, I want you so badly and I'm so glad you want me back but it was a little intense." Jim replied with a small laugh. "I'm used to the gentle touch of a woman."

"Jim, I assure you that it is a good thing that you awoke such desires in me. While I can not say that I am proud of this side of me, it is a part of who I am nonetheless. I will attempt to suppress my urges." Spock said, moving closer to Jim.

"I just don't know if I can handle something so intense. This is new territory for me and I find it absolutely frightening that I find your pointy-eared, green-blooded ass so damned attractive." Jim said, elbowing Spock in the ribs to lighten the mood.

Spock rubbed his ribs where Jim had poked him and fell silent for a second.

"It's a joke, Spock!" Jim exclaimed, throwing an arm around Spock's shoulder.

"Jim, forgive me, but I am having a hard time following the logic of what you are saying. Is there to be an... intimate part of our relationship?" Spock asked.

"I would like that." Jim smiled, leaning in for a kiss.

"I would, too." Spock replied, returning the kiss.

"Just don't go all pon farr on me again, okay? I don't want to have to fight someone for the rights to your dick." Jim laughed, pulling away.

"Captain, you misunderstand Vulcan mating rituals to an absurd degree." Spock replied, enjoying the feeling of being so close to Jim.

"What did I say about calling me Captain?" Jim said, raising an eyebrow suggestively.

"I believe you said 'on the bridge or in my bed', and according to my observations, we are in your bed." Spock replied.

"Too right." Jim replied, lying back and pulling Spock down with him.


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's Note: Thanks for the all the great critiques and reviews! Stick around for more!_

* * *

"Jim, we have to get up." Spock said quietly, running a hand down Jim's arm.

"Are you sure?" Jim asked, turning on his side and tracing Spock's jawline with his fingertips.

"Completely." Spock said, kissing Jim softly on the lips.

"Okay." Jim sighed. "You first."

Spock propped himself up onto his elbows and glanced at the clock. 1300 hours. Edging to the end of the bed, Spock stood up, taking the sheet from the bed with him. Wrapping the sheet around his hips he moved over to the stack of clothes they had folded earlier that morning and found his clothes.

"You don't have to cover up, Spock." Jim said, sitting up and sweeping his hair back.

"I am more comfortable this way." Spock replied. "It is cold here."

"Seriously? It's so hot in here it's almost unbearable." Jim laughed, wiping a bead of sweat as it ran down his temple.

"I am a Vulcan, Jim. Vulcan's average temperature is 15 degrees centigrade hotter than Earth." Spock replied, turning his back to Jim as he stepped back into his underwear.

Spock felt strangely self conscious in front of Jim. He was having a hard time grasping the concept that their relationship dynamic was now permanently altered. For a moment, Spock wondered exactly how Jim had managed to maintain such a level of professionalism with the number of women he had had sex with. Spock caught himself. He knew Jim had certainly not slept with the number of people he had purported to have slept with and he was dismayed that he had found himself falling illogically into the trap of gossip.

"Spock, what are you thinking?" Jim asked, standing up and walking towards him. Spock looked over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow. Jim certainly was confident in himself.

Jim carried himself with the same level of confidence, if not more, when he was naked. This shocked Spock especially because he had been raised in a society that values modesty and privacy in sexual relationships. He had noted very early on that human males had learned to comport themselves with a certain sense of cockiness and impulsive behaviour when attracting mates. Jim Kirk was certainly no exception.

"Am I making you uncomfortable, Spock?" Jim asked, arms spread as he walked forwards.

"I can not deny that I am uncomfortable, but I am not certain whether that is a good or a bad thing." Spock replied, grabbing his pants quickly from the desk and pulling them on.

"Spock, I am not going to let you get dressed until you grow a pair and admit that I've just seen your dick. I know what it looks like now so no need to be all modest." Jim said, hands on his hips.

"Jim, there is no need to be so crass." Spock said, eyebrows raised, pants clutched to his crotch like a shield.

"Oh, but there is." Jim said, coming up behind Spock and wrapping his arms around his waist. Spock inhaled sharply as Jim's hands trailed down his hips, then his thighs and... Jim ripped the pants out of Spock's hands.

"You tricked me." Spock said calmly, marvelling at the sheer control Jim had over him. He would need to remedy that.

"I certainly did not. Now, get out of those underwear, as hot as they make your ass look." Jim growled, biting Spock gently on the ear before backing up backwards holding Spock's pants almost like a flag.

Spock felt his skin heat up when Jim bit his ear and he turned around.

"Jim, I will not play this game with you. The complexities of human games are often lost on me." Spock replied, his tone calm as he walked forwards.

"Is that a phaser in your pocket, Spock, or are you happy to see me?" Jim asked, smirking. Grinning naughtily, Jim tossed the pants over his shoulder and fell backwards onto the bed.

Spock glanced down quickly and then back to Jim. From this angle, he could see every outline of Jim's muscles with tiny, web-like scars stretching over his skin like the thinnest veil. His eyes traced Jim's chest, his abs and finally the small line of hair leading down...

"I might ask the same of you, Jim." Spock replied, his voice dark with lust. He moved quickly, his breath becoming more rapid and his heartbeat wilder. He was on the bed and onto Jim with much more speed than Jim had anticipated.

Spock climbed on top of Jim, straddling his hips and moved down so their noses were nearly touching.

"Jim, I could have had those pants ripped out of your hands faster than you could blink." Spock said, closing his eyes as Jim slid his hand up the leg of his boxers.

"I could have these off faster than you could blink." Jim retorted. Spock had noted that he was not as clever as he normally was when he was under the influence of desire.

"I highly doubt that. Vulcans actually have one more set of eyelids than-" Spock was cut off by Jim's mouth crashing against his.

Within seconds, the two were lost in their hunger for one another. Kissing, touching and stroking each other, they were caught up so heavily in what they were doing neither one of them heard the knock at the door.

Just as Jim had clambered onto his lap, his fingers twisted in his hair, Spock heard the sound of the lock click as the door opened.

"Jim..." Spock said, trying to pull away as Jim moved closer towards him, tightening his grip in Spock's hair. Spock squirmed underneath him and managed to just unlock their lips as somebody came around the corner.

"Good God, man!"

Jim sat bolt upright and Spock watched as his face went from an expression of shock to an expression of pure anger as he realized Dr. McCoy had just walked in on them.

"What are you doing in here?" Jim demanded, grabbing a sheet to cover himself and throwing a pillow at Spock's face. He stood up off the bed, clutching at the sheet with one hand and throwing the other one out in question.

"Jim, I mean, I come in all the time if you don't answer!" McCoy exclaimed, his brow furrowing deeply. "What the fuck are **you **doing?"

"What does it look like, Bones? As if it's any of your God damn business." Jim snarled, looking at Spock quickly. Spock had sat upright at this point and was holding the pillow quietly over his crotch.

"I'm pretty sure it is my business if you're goin' around buggering your first officers!" McCoy yelled, pointing at Spock.

Spock had moved slowly over to the side of the bed where he had dropped his underwear. Slowly, he pulled them back on for the second time that day and sat at the edge of the bed.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" McCoy asked Spock.

"Don't you dare bring him into this, Bones." Jim replied, his voice shaking with anger. "Don't you even talk to him."

"I'll talk to him all I want!" McCoy shouted, stepping further into the room. "How does it feel to have the Captain's cock in your ass, eh, Spock?"

Before Spock had any time to retaliate, Jim had hit McCoy so hard in the face he had reeled and fallen backwards against the door frame. Spock barely had time to stand up before McCoy hit the ground. It didn't take him long to get back up and start taking swings at Jim. Taking advantage of his strength, Spock moved forwards quickly and wrenched the two men apart. Gripping McCoy roughly by the arm, Spock moved him with as much ease as if he were a doll. He steered him out and sat him down on the couch in the living room.

"Get dressed." Spock said to Jim. Jim nodded, every muscle in his body tensed.

"Dr. McCoy, your behaviour is highly inappropriate." Spock said, sitting across from McCoy on the coffee table. "I will not have you speak to anyone like that, especially to myself or to Jim."

McCoy was silent. A small amount of blood had pooled at the corner of his mouth from where Jim had split it. Shaking, McCoy raised an arm slowly to wipe it away, never breaking eye contact with Spock.

"I understand being shocked at seeing what you saw but I will not tolerate bigotry and discrimination. This is the 23rd century, Leonard. I would expect that your species would have grown out of such hatreds." Spock said calmly, steepling his fingers in front of him.

"Spock, I'll deal with this." Jim said, coming around the corner pulling a long-sleeved shirt over his head.

Spock received no response from McCoy and nodded at Jim. Spock stood up and turned away, but he could still feel McCoy's eyes on him from behind. He had always known Dr. McCoy to be a bit curmudgeonly in disposition but this was a whole new level. Spock knew for a fact that there were numerous same-sex couples serving on the Enterprise before the crash and he had never known a single person, human or not, to question their right to happiness. He had thought that homophobia and all its accoutrements had died in the 21st century. Along with what Jim had shared with him earlier about living in the Land of the Free, Spock found himself puzzled. He could expect a level of shock from walking in on two friends making love but being angry about the nature of the love making? That was completely illogical. Spock had always found human reproductive rituals entirely confusing but learning that some people could be personally offended by the very act of certain people mating was ridiculous let alone illogical.

Spock made his way back into the bedroom. He had no other place to go and he felt it may come across as insensitive were he to leave. Getting dressed fully, he could not hear much more than low voices, so he was thankful that the two men had not come again to blows. His thoughts drifted back again to when Jim had voiced his fears about how he might be perceived by his fellow humans were it to be known that he were gay or, at least, partly gay. Spock had met few gay Vulcans but the ones he did know were quite content with their partners.

Spock suddenly sat bolt upright. He was gay.

Spock quickly ran over various situations in his life and realized that he did have the capacity to find comfort and solace with at least men and women. He had no experience with those of other genders. Slightly shocked that he had not come to this conclusion sooner, Spock thought himself extremely lucky. He would be able to find love with whomever he wished regardless of gender or sex. He sat in quiet contemplation for a few moments. He was lost in thought when Jim walked back into the bedroom.

"Jim." Spock said, looking up from his folded hands in his lap.

"Spock..." Jim sighed, running a hand through his hair. "It was my fault... I should have realized he would come right in if I didn't answer. Most people I know do that."

Jim sat down next to Spock, "I'm sorry he spoke to you like that."

Spock nodded. "My feelings are not hurt, as you would say."

Jim made a very feeble attempt at a smile and looked away.

"I told you this would happen, Spock." Jim said quietly.

"Jim, what was it that you humans are so fond of saying?" Spock asked, trying to recollect his thoughts. "Those who matter do not mind and those who mind do not matter?"

Jim laughed. "We certainly do say that but unfortunately, Bones is my best friend."

Spock nodded. "Then he will understand."

"I think so, too. He is just an old-fashioned stick in the mud." Jim replied. "You know, I think he's angrier that I didn't tell him than the fact that I went around 'buggering my first officer'."

"An excellent observation, Jim." Spock replied, resisting the urge to pull Jim towards him. "Perhaps he was offended that you did not share this aspect of your personal life with him and he lashed out in the way that he thought would hurt you most. Sometimes humans do this because they know the person they are hurting will still love them no matter what they say."

"Wow, Spock, that's pretty advanced human psychology you've got going there." Jim said, managing a smile.

"Living with Nyota taught me many things." Spock explained.

"I'm sure it did." Jim replied.

A silence fell between them for a moment as Jim thought.

"Spock, speaking of Nyota, I hate to send you back to her for a bit but I need the place to myself." Jim said.

Spock raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, it's not you. I just need to gather my thoughts. Can I see you tonight?" Jim asked as Spock stood up.

"That would be pleasing." Spock replied. Jim stood up with him. Putting his arms around Spock's neck, Jim leaned forward and kissed him.

"This is not what I had expected but prepare for rumours to be circulating, Spock." Jim sighed, kissing Spock's face once or twice.

"I am no stranger to rumours, Jim." Spock said, kissing Jim back and then gently prying Jim's arms off his neck. "I will see you tonight."

Turning and walking away, Spock couldn't help but feel that things were going to be just as complicated as he had imagined.


	6. Chapter 6

_Author's Note: Every story needs a little conflict, right? I was surprised at how upset everyone got over Jim and Bones' little spat... Anyways, thanks for reading and reviewing and I hope you enjoy the next couple chapters!_

* * *

This was quite possibly the loudest place Spock had ever been in.

Hundreds of times his size, the Enterprise was suspended above him by a complex series of metal scaffolding reaching up straight to the ceiling nearly 600 feet above him. Hundreds of workers were hanging from the walls, ceiling and from the Enterprise herself. The sound of their combined tools and chatter with the sound of the many transport vehicles on the ground was absolutely incredible. This was the largest hangar ever built on Earth and it certainly was impressive.

Normally, Spock would have refused to come all the way out here but after what had happened that morning he thought that the further away he was from where Jim and Dr. McCoy were the better. He glanced around absently for a few minutes until he noticed the small, white transport vehicle sweeping across the room towards him. Standing up straight, he clicked his pen and hovered it over his clipboard.

"Mr. Scott," Spock yelled over the noise as Scotty jumped out of the vehicle before him.

"Spock! Good to see ye." Scotty smiled, extending his hand for a shake.

Spock hesitated, but took the man's hand and shook it gingerly.

"Well. What can I do for ye?" Scotty asked loudly, clapping Spock's shoulder and extending his arm towards the exit directly behind them.

Spock turned with Scotty's direction and the two men headed out into the hallway, the door closing and sealing itself behind them. The sound was more or less shut out and Spock nearly gave a sigh of relief before catching himself.

"I'm here to check up on certain... protocols." Spock said.

"Well, Sir, I just submitted my report yesterday. Ye might want to check that?" Scotty suggested, crossing his arms.

"I figured it may be more helpful to speak with you directly." Spock replied.

Scotty sighed. "The report is highly detailed, Sir, and with all due respect, I need to make sure those imbeciles in there follow orders!"

"I understand that." Spock said, raising an eyebrow and glancing again through the window in the door into the hangar.

"I know what you're doing here." Scotty said suddenly, a mischievous grin spreading across his face.

Spock was taken aback. "You do?"

"I knew you couldn't resist coming out to see her at some point. You love her just as much as we do." Scotty said, smiling longingly over his shoulder at the Enterprise.

"Mr. Scott. Loving an inanimate object is highly illogical." Spock responded, slightly relieved that Scotty had not guessed the real reason for him showing up announced.

"Do ye want a tour?" Scotty asked, jabbing his thumb over his shoulder.

"No, thank you, Mr. Scott. I will fill out my forms and then be on my way." Spock said. The truth was he would very much like to go on a tour of the rebuilding of the Enterprise but the noise and the pollution in that room was far too much.

"Very well." Scotty smiled. "Now, why don't I just fill oot yer little form for ye?"

Scotty reached forward for the clipboard. Reluctantly, Spock handed it over.

"Exactly what I thought!" Scotty exclaimed, hitting the clipboard with the back of his hand. "I filled out this form not a week ago."

"Mr. Scott, if this is going to be an issue I will head back now." Spock said, reaching forward for his clipboard.

"No, no. Ye're here now, I might as well fill the damn thing out again." Scotty replied with a heavy sigh, scratching the side of his head with a pen he had withdrawn from his pocket.

Spock inched slowly towards the door and peered inside as Scotty filled out the form. It looked as if today they were replacing the hull plating. Shiny and brand new, Spock watched as one of the badly damaged plates was lowered with the use of a crane from 400 feet in the air to the ground and then replaced with a new one.

"Here's yer damn form." Scotty said, joining Spock near the window.

"Thank you, Mr. Scott." Spock replied, taking the clipboard and tucking it under his arm.

"What will happen to the old plating?" Spock asked absently, watching as a series of individuals on the ground guided the old plate down onto a flat bed transport.

"Well, we recycle them. All the new plating is 95% recycled material." Scotty said proudly, leaning forward.

"Impressively ecological." Spock replied. The humans seemed to have truly harnessed the concept of the recycling of used materials. It was something the Vulcans had insisted on in the early days of first contact.

"Quite." Scotty said, smiling. "Are ye sure ye don't want to come in for a wee look-see?"

Spock said nothing for a moment. "I am certain. Thank you."

Scotty nodded. "Well, it's off to work."

Scotty snapped a pair of protective headphones on and opened the door. He stepped through as it slid open and turned back to Spock.

"Listen, Spock, I heard about what happened this morning." Scotty said over the noise.

Spock said nothing, but raised an eyebrow.

"McCoy might be a backwards ol' fool but he'll come 'round." Scotty said, trying to comfort him.

Spock did not respond and Scotty closed the door behind him. He waved once to Spock through the window and turned to get back into his small transport to head back to the construction zone.

_Had everyone heard now? _Spock wondered, passing by various cadets and construction workers on his way back towards ground level. Spock had no idea how he had found himself here. He couldn't help but think that yesterday he had broken up with Nyota and today he had dug himself into some kind of intimate relationship with his captain.

The facility was equipped with a transporter but he had driven all the way here himself after leaving Jim's apartment this morning. He had spent the whole drive trying to come up with a logical way to analyze and proceed with his current romantic mess. He was sure that he could not go back to his apartment with a certainly angry and probably crying Nyota waiting for him. He was sure that he was in some kind of romantic relationship with Jim and he was sure that had never experienced desire like he just had in his entire life. He was distressed, however, that none of what had happened in the last 24 hours could be processed through his refined system of logic and emotional distance. Everything about this situation was emotional and he had learned very early on that emotion was never based in logic.

Stepping out of the turbolift onto the main floor, Spock was required to show his badge every ten feet. Security here was absolutely insane despite the relatively small amount of people really coming into this hangar at all. The building was massive, nearly the size of an airport, with double the amount of space underground. Spock never ceased to marvel at the ingenuity of humans.

The ride back was relatively slow-moving. He had been caught in traffic on the way home and didn't arrive back at his apartment until 1700 hours. Sliding his keycard into the door, Spock waited apprehensively for Nyota to come around the corner. When she didn't, Spock stepped inside. The rooms were echoed emptily and he knew that she had left. His suspicions were confirmed when he saw her clothing gone in the bedroom and her belongings cleared from the bathroom.

Spock sighed and sat down on the bed. Rubbing his face, he sat quietly for a few moments. When he looked up, his eyes fell on a small shimmer of gold peeking out from underneath the bed. Leaning forward, he picked up the object and studied it. One of Nyota's earrings. He rolled the earring back and forth between his hands for a moment and then tucked it away into his pocket. He would see someone who could give it to her eventually.

Steepling his fingers, Spock shut his eyes and settled himself in for meditation. His trip to the hangar had certainly reassured him that work was on time, even ahead of time, but it had done no good for the problems he faced.

When Spock sat up straight, something blazed clearly in his mind. He had no idea how he hadn't picked up on it before.

McCoy had always given Spock the cold shoulder from day one on the Enterprise. He had always been Jim's closest friend and confidante. Spock had always figured that they did not get along because of the differences in their personalities which were admittedly quite glaring. What Spock had not considered was that McCoy may feel threatened by him. Now that he considered it, the conclusion was entirely plausible. Dr. McCoy had treated Spock poorly ever since he had spent so much time with Jim while he had been injured and it had only worsened during their prolonged stay on Earth. Spock posed as a monopoly on Jim's already limited time. McCoy did not seem like a jealous person, but Spock had quickly realized that appearances were not everything.

Armed with knowledge, Spock moved out of his bedroom and over to the kitchen. He had stored a bit of left over plomeek broth from a few days ago and was loath to waste it. He heated it up quickly in the microwave and sat down with it at the dining room table. He would have to do some investigation into the proper technique to get McCoy to see that Spock would be no more of a monopoly on his time than any other person in his life. Did he confront McCoy and clear the air? Did he confront Jim with the information?

Spock ate his broth in contemplative silence and jumped when his communicator beeped. He scrambled for it, wiping up a bit of spilt broth at the same time.

"Spock here." Spock said quickly.

"Spock? Want to come over now? I'm done for the day." Jim's voice echoed back at him.

"Jim? Yes." Spock said, wiping his hands on a napkin. "You know this should not be used for personal business? I do have a telephone."

"Yeah, yeah, Spock. Come over whenever you want." Jim did not sound amused.

"Affirmative." Spock replied and shut the communicator. Jim did not sound happy.

Spock quickly cleaned up after himself and glanced in the mirror. He hadn't shaved for a day and he was starting to feel a little rough. He figured he could shave later... he was hardly heading out to an important meeting.

It didn't take long for him to make it over to Jim's apartment. Knocking gently at the door, Spock stood outside warily, keeping an eye out down the corridor for anyone to see him going into Jim's apartment. He was still very aware of the protocols against relations between officers.

"Hey, come on in." Jim said, opening the door for him. Spock stepped inside and took off his coat. He hung it up neatly behind the door and placed his shoes carefully on the mat.

"Jim." Spock nodded, following Jim into the living room. Spock was acutely aware of every move he was making. He had no idea how to proceed here.

"Spock." Jim sighed, moving up to Spock and putting his arms slowly around his waist. He leaned his head under Spock's chin and fell silent. Awkwardly, Spock raised his arms and put them around Jim's shoulders. Despite not being used to such close physical contact, Spock found the embrace comforting. The warmth of Jim pressed against his chest was soothing.

"Jim, how was your day?" Spock asked, recalling his lessons in human small talk. He pulled away and looked down at Jim, dropping his hands to Jim's arms.

"Rough." Jim laughed, leaving Spock and walking into the kitchen.

Spock found himself wishing Jim would come back, but stopped himself from saying anything. He watched as Jim rummaged through his cupboards for a bit.

"What are you looking for?" Spock asked, walking into the kitchen.

"Liquor." Jim replied shortly.

"The replicator could produce some." Spock offered. "I am concerned that you are turning to alcohol two nights in a row."

Jim laughed. "Welcome to humanity."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Nyota does not drink nightly."

Jim stopped what he was doing. "Listen, I didn't invite you over here so you could lecture me and then talk about your ex-girlfriend."

Taken slightly aback, Spock raised an eyebrow, "I apologize, Jim, I was unaware that I had done anything to offend you."

"Well, you did." Jim replied.

Spock knew this situation all too well. He had gone through it with Nyota weekly, even nightly, towards the end. Jim was in a foul mood and decided his best choice was to take it out on him.

"Jim, I made some plomeek broth the other day. Should I bring it over? It is both nutritious and comforting." Spock offered cautiously.

"I ate." Jim replied stiffly.

Spock fell silent as Jim moved over to the replicator and created a glass of some brown liquid for himself.

"Would you prefer I left?" Spock asked, linking his hands together behind his back.

"No." Jim sighed, resting the glass on the counter and moving towards Spock. "Ever have a friend just stab you in the back?"

"He's jealous." Spock said bluntly, extending his hand to touch Jim's elbow has he moved towards him.

"Jealous?" Jim asked, laughing a bit. "Of what?"

"Of me monopolizing your time since you've been awake." Spock said, pulling Jim into his arms.

Jim nuzzled his face into Spock's neck, changing the subject. "Spock, I'm surprised at you! You didn't shave?"

Spock ran a hand over his jaw. "No. Not today."

Jim smiled. "I like it."

They stood together for a few moments before Jim pulled away. "I'm sorry. I'm really tense."

"I can see that. Perhaps a guided meditation would help you relax?" Spock suggested.

"I've never done meditation in my entire life and I'm not about to start now." Jim said, taking a sip of whatever he had produced from the replicator.

"Now, Jim, about Dr. McCoy. I believe it would be in our best interest if I had a chat with him about his behaviour." Spock suggested.

"Yeah, fat good it did this morning." Jim said sarcastically.

"Capt-" Spock caught himself, "Jim, I do not believe that McCoy is against our union but against the amount of time we are spending together. It is a simple misunderstanding rectified easily." Spock said.

"You don't get it." Jim sighed.

"I think I do." Spock replied. "Will you talk to him?"

Jim shook his head.

"Jim, it hurts me to see you like this." Spock admitted, his brow furrowing.

Jim looked up when he heard the words and kissed Spock. The smell of alcohol was strong on Jim's lips but Spock didn't mind. He even liked it. He pulled Jim back in towards him, deepening the kiss.

"Damnit, you're strong." Jim said, looking up at Spock. Spock hadn't realized how hard he was gripping Jim's arms.

"I apologize." Spock said huskily. The power Jim had over him through lust was incredible.

"Somehow I had expecting you to be a bit more submissive." Jim said after a while of continued kissing.

"A combination of highly controlled emotion with powerful lust can do that." Spock said. "I assume it has to do with... ah!"

Jim had bitten Spock's lower lip hard to get him to stop talking.

"I like making you make little sounds." Jim said quietly. Using a bit more strength than he was used to in his romantic encounters, Jim pushed Spock back against the wall and trailed a hand down his chest.

"Can't we forget science and space and hormones and just do our thing for a while?" Jim asked, pulling Spock's shirt over his head.

"Can we do that?" Jim asked again, kissing his way down Spock's chest and stomach.

"Yes..." Spock trailed off, leaning his head backwards as Jim got on his knees. Running his hand through Jim's tousled blond hair, Spock sighed deeply.

"Good." Jim said mischievously.


	7. Chapter 7

Just as Jim's knees hit the ground and he had Spock's pants down around his knees, they were interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Dammit." Jim groaned, his head falling back, eyes shut in frustration.

Coming immediately back to his senses, Spock whipped his pants back up as quickly as he could and moved swiftly around the corner. He waited around the corner for a moment and, unsure why he was hiding, awkwardly drifted into the bathroom. He heard soft voices at the door muffled through the wall and tried to focus on them instead of the raging hard-on he had from before. He leaned against the corner and waited, trying to make out what was being said. He couldn't hear much, but he could tell it was a female voice.

_Nyota_.

Spock immediately sprang up and pulled the bathroom door closed enough that Nyota wouldn't see him should she happen to pass by. He sat quietly for a moment willing himself to be totally silent. He could hear their voices more clearly now; Jim had invited her inside.

"You listen to me. I don't care who you are. You could be Admiral Archer and I'd say this to you." Nyota's voice was harsh, thick with anger.

"Come right in, Uhura." Jim said sarcastically.

"Don't you try to cover this up with your stupid jokes." Nyota said.

"I don't know what you heard, Uhura, but you had better back off." Jim said.

"I heard what you and Spock have been up to and I am hurt."

"Look, you two broke up? What do you want me to do?"

"Don't give me that bullshit. No man beats another man to death for his friend. I knew what you two were doing from the moment I saw the look in his eyes after he thought you died." Nyota hissed.

"Uhura, Spock never cheated on you." Jim exclaimed, coming to his own defence.

"I don't want to hear it, Jim, I really don't." Nyota replied quickly.

"Then what do you want to hear? 'Cause I'm telling you the truth."

"I'm not here to come and yell at you for – ahem- stealing my man. I'm here to come and have you look me in the eyes and ask how you could do this to me. We were friends, Jim. Does that mean nothing to you?"

"Uhura-"

"No! And the best part of all of this is I'm not here to request a transfer or to resign. Oh, no. I'm going to be a constant reminder on that ship of your guilt. Every damn day." Nyota said. "I'm a stronger than putting in my resignation and quitting Enterprise. I worked for years to the bone for my job and I love it. I'm not going to let the careless actions of my ex boyfriend and my commanding officer get in the way of my career."

"I wouldn't expect you to." Jim replied quietly.

"I'll see you on the bridge." Nyota shot back.

After a moment, Spock heard the front door open and close and then Jim sigh deeply.

Spock tried to ignore the deep feeling of guilt spreading inside of him like some dark plague but he couldn't. He had loved her. He had. It hurt him that she thought he had cheated on her. He had been loyal to her from the start. Maybe he had been in love with Jim when he had beaten Khan but he hadn't realized it yet.

"Spock?" Jim called out, walking down the hallway towards the bathroom. He pushed the door open, his face grim.

"What are you doing in here?" Jim asked, his voice empty.

Spock didn't say anything. The guilt inside had frozen him to the spot.

"Jim -" Spock began, but was cut off when Jim raised his hand.

"Don't say anything." Jim said quietly, looking away from Spock. "Us being together? It's toxic. It's destroyed everything we've worked for over the last years."

"Love through adversity." Spock blurted out, looking at Jim.

"Maybe so, Spock, but we've made two enemies over this." Jim sighed, leaning against the door frame.

"Jim, if I may say so, it was inevitable that Nyota would be angry. She is sometimes irrational. Her emotions carry her away." Spock said.

"You know what, Spock? I don't understand how you dated her for two years and still barely get who she is. She's a fiery one, that's for sure, but she's almost always right. Her personality and her passion is her drive." Jim laughed, amazed at how little Spock truly understood humans. "If you can't see that in her, I'm terrified what you see in me."

Spock stepped forward and reached for Jim.

"Spock, no!" Jim exclaimed, stepping back, his hands up. "You don't get it. Why did I think this would work?"

"Jim, I am a Vulcan. The complexities-"

"Of human behaviour escape you? Yeah, maybe that's why this has been such a huge clusterfuck." Jim laughed, shaking his head.

Spock stepped forward and grabbed Jim's hands out of the air.

"Jim, I think you are the one who misunderstands me." Spock said softly, stroking the undersides of Jim's hands. Jim tried first out of anger to snatch his hands out of reach but gave in at Spock's touch.

"I was ridiculed for my entire childhood for having a human side. Because of it, I believe that I have a harder time accepting emotion or my human side. I was completely out of place on Vulcan and completely alone. Emotion for me meant isolation." Spock explained. "Jim, with you emotion means inclusion. It means togetherness and tenderness and acceptance."

Jim's face softened at Spock's words. He tilted his head back to look up into Spock's face. "Then act like it."

Spock nodded. "I still have a great deal of work to do on my inhibitions."

"You do. But our lives are falling apart around us, Spock. We can't just hide out in my room for the rest of our lives and ignore the problems we've caused in other people's lives." Jim responded.

"Jim, correct me if I am wrong, but the problems of others are exactly that – their problems. They are not ours." Spock replied, pulling Jim slowly in closer to him.

"Not when we caused them." Jim explained.

Spock nodded and Jim wrapped his arms tightly around Spock's waist, his head resting under Spock's chin. "Things will rectify themselves in due time."

"I hope so. Because I really don't want to go without you, Spock." Jim said, his voice muffled in Spock's neck.

"Nor I without you." Spock replied, kissing the top of Jim's head softly.

* * *

_Author's Note: I gave you some badass Uhura today! I'm getting pretty sick of Uhura acting like the spurned bitch in these stories and then resigning - defeated... I feel like even if she thought she was being cheated on she would stay at her post. She worked so hard, why would she quit?_

_Anyways, thanks so much for reading and all your reviews have been really helpful! _

_I have a longer chapter waiting for you for next time!_


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